By Yin, Letters from Ward 5, Tanjung Rambutan
The men in white coats were in two minds, free me or keep me in Ward 5. They decided to keep me. It’s a mad mad world out there. It would be too cruel . . . it won’t help my schizophrenia, going back to a society where 40% are schizophrenics.
You grow up in a country where you mix freely and you are taught to accept people of different colour, culture and religion. Then whammy number one; friends you thought were ordinary blokes like you became “princes” and “princesses” just by the wave of a magic pen. Meanwhile you remain a frog – well, an ordinary frog; not the specie which gets paid zillions for hopping.
The second whammy is when I am told that I am only a guest in this country. To add insult to injury I am told that my ancestors were prostitutes. My father has lied to me then. I thought my great grandfather came as acoolie with nothing but his blue Pagoda brand underwear and singlet, worked his nuts off to put food on the table and living frugally, saved money to start a small shop where my grandfather worked as a young boy till adulthood. Then they arranged for him to get married. My grandfather sent my father to school although my father still had to work in the shop after school. My father then sent me and my siblings to university, borrowing from my uncles because he did not have enough money. We are not ‘princes’ so we could not get scholarships and even entry to a local university. I am what I am because of their sacrifices. Well, that’s family folklore for you.
It is unsettling to hear what is said about my ancestry. I am confused.
The third whammy is when I learn that in real life I am a second- class citizen, although I thought my blue I. C. tells me otherwise – that I am just like every other citizen. I get even more confused.
So am I a citizen, a guest or a frog waiting to be kissed by UMNO so that I too can turn into a‘prince’. I am in three minds about the matter. I really don’t know what I am in the eyes of my government. Well, not just me; 40% of the country are schizos . We don’t know to stay or go.
What about the 60%? They are delusionals! Well really, not all 60% but those who not are few.
What are the delusions they suffer from?
- That they can become “princes” just by the wave of a pen and with their self- appointed status life will be hunky dory.Maana will fall from heaven. That they can run faster if they put a ball and chain on the other person’s legs. That theyare super entrepreneurs because the other person is not allowed licences to trade or is made to give you a share of his business. That they must be really smart with their Phds which the universities churn out by the hundreds.
- The second delusion is to thinkthat there is such a thing as a ‘free lunch’ in life. That the good life will go on forever without someone having to pay the price at some point in the future.
- Another delusion is to think that the world is just the tempurong they are under. Inside the coconut shell life is good and nothing will spoil it because they can make any rules they like to suit themselves and everyone has to live by the rules.
Reality is altogether something very different. The people who will pay for all this will be the future generations. They will be lumbered with a debt which will take a few generations to pay off, lumbered with a subpar education, a mindset of entitlement, afraid to compete. To think that there are no consequences to all these illusions of grandeur is delusional indeed.
This is our country, 40% schizos and 60% delusionals – one giant TR.
Would it be delusional to think that we will be one united country someday? Maybe ‘yes’ maybe ‘no’; I am in two minds about it. I have not sorted out what I am yet – family member or guest?
(The views expressed are those of the contributor and do not necessarily reflect the views of Rebuilding Malaysia.)